Empathy, hmm allow me to describe it for you. Imagine every feeling of every person you are around flooding into you all at the same time. Now imaging feeling every single ounce of that and multiply by 1000. It is loud, it is draining. It is the reason I am fairly anti-social. It is also the reason that I have worked from home for so long.
Having ADHD and Anxiety are bad enough, when you toss empathy and now having to fight traffic twice a day, being in an office filled with people shoulder to shoulder, and all their emotions. For an empath/introvert this is a nightmare. I got home tonight and curled up in the chair. While I was rocking back and forth trying to self-soothe, all I could think was “I cannot do this”.
I have to do this because I need a job, I need money to pay bills. The company is absolutely wonderful and the people there are fabulous. However, I feel as though I am drowning in a flood of people. I can’t breathe. For 9-10 hours a day I struggle to catch my breath. It has been 2 full weeks of this and at first I thought it was going to be okay. I thought I could handle it. I had to talk my anxiety down the first day so that I could make it out the door. I got there and liked it. Now, I feel trapped.
To make matters worse, they are very food-centric at this office. There is always free food, snacks, luncheons, meeting with food, pot lucks, etc. I have digestive issues so I cannot partake and by the time I leave for the day I am sick to my stomach. I get home and am so worn out that the little bit of sleep my insomnia allows me isn’t even restful.
I need a change. There are things I am working on. For instance, I have begun an indoor herb garden. Once the plants are ready I will extract essential oils, dry and grind various parts for salves, balms, shampoos, lotions, teas, etc. Kind of a holistic healing thing. Then put them up for sale on my website. I’ve recently taught myself to use a wood burner and have made a beautiful spirit board. I’ve begun making dreamcatchers again. Now, if I could market it all and go into business for myself, I would be truly happy.
Anyway, I am going to keep this job but look for something that is work from home. Once I find something with comparable pay I will make the shift.